We live in a world that judges you based on your past. It is human nature for us to do so. One might say this is unfair, and I say its just part of the journey of life. People will always keep a record of your wrongs even when you have turned over a new leaf. I have learned this all the hard way. That brings me to my first lesson learned this year. The world rarely gives you a chance to prove that you have changed, but GOD always does.
Without hesitation I can say that this year has been the most challenging of them all. I have gone from 24% lung function down to 8%. Since 2005 when they discovered my tumor I have been in a constant state of mental turmoil. One day I will be out to conquer the world and the next I’m focusing on obstacles that life throws my way to the extent of letting it get me down. When you are powerless over something in your life it becomes so very important to use your power of choice and power of focus. I have gone from choreographing dance routines to choreographing the best way to get myself up and down a flight of stairs. My medical story is a story of overwhelming setbacks and obstacles. My story has given me the opportunity to feel emotions on the deepest of levels. My story does not have room for FEAR. This lesson in fear is a lesson that I have noticed I have to continually battle year after year. As soon as we become too comfortable with anything in our life we close ourselves off to being able to receive the full blessings that come along with it. If we stay focused on the things that matter most daily we will ALWAYS be able to see the wonderful little things that go along with that particular lesson learned. By me not focusing on how devastating fear can be to my psyche I allowed myself one more year of useless emotion.
Lastly my most favorite revelation about myself this year has been PRIDE.
The Bible Says : Proverbs 18:12 Before his downfall a man's heart is proud, but humility comes before honor.
Wikapedia says: With a negative connotation, pride refers to an inflated sense of one's personal status or accomplishments, often used synonymously with hubris.
No matter if it’s the book of life or the book that helps us understand the meanings of words in life they both have negativity attached to them. The kind of PRIDE that has allowed me to not ask for help where I knew I needed it most breaks my heart. The fact that I have known that I had demons within me that exist, and knew exactly where to go for help, and didn’t, kill me. How could I become so prideful that I would not talk to someone to let them know I needed help? What kind of example is that setting for my daughter? How is my life not important enough to ask for the help needed to save it? I realize it is. It is VERY IMPORTANT. I should not be ashamed for asking for help. Nor should I be ashamed to say where I have been in life.
Regardless of the negative connotations that the world puts on so many things, I will NEVER be ashamed for being a human being! We all make mistakes. I will no longer judge someone based on their past. They don’t live there anymore. I will try to embrace HOPE instead of so much FEAR. Most importantly I will put my pride aside more often and soak up every opportunity to learn about myself. I thought it would be good if I could come up with a little sentence or phrase to help me remember my top 3 lessons learned in 2011. What I came up with made so much sense.
“I will put my pride aside, lay down my fears, and not worry about if people will judge me. –Lisa Roberts”
2012 Here I come!
