Words Are Beautiful

Many a days and nights I weep for myself on the note that I fall unto the ones who emotionaly enslave my life to sadness.

I give those who hang in there and deal with depression and sadness in my state and preserve mind function so much respect.

Telling me how to talk how to walk, its never enough for them.

In the end we're all just trying to find the fine line to walk out our existence.

Until that day I am who I am.

I'd rather everybody hate me for everything I am, then everybody love me for everything I'm not.

These are hard words to say but I keep them inside so much that I feel as though the pot is about to boil over if it has not already.

Nobody asks to be depressed.

Nobody asks to be obese.

Nobody asks to be ugly.

Nobody asks to be an outcast.

Nobody asks to have problems and issues.

Nobody wants to be the dog that's kicked when its down.

Nobody asks to continually disappoint the ones they love.

FORGIVENESS. FORGIVE. FORGIVING 

"a penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell them for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin' "

--- i feel its so sad that we are not allowed to express ourselves when we are down but only when we are happy. why does everyone get all bent out of shape when someone uses this type of forum to express their feelings? to you i say read a little more. be scared a little less and learn from the words instead of judging and thinking someone is "off their rocker!" words are beautiful!

2011 The Beginning

Its been far too long since I have clicked away at my keyboard to fill you in on what life has been like. I suppose it has just been too hard to face. Recently I lost my inspiration in the realest form. Her name was V Kingsly. V was not like any other cancer patient or person fighting for her life. She was a VERY REAL human being that gave so much of herself to others through her writing and amazing gifts. She was the only surviving person in the united states that i knew of that had paraneoplastic pemhigus. She is in my thoughts so very much and I will always wonder what it would have been like to meet her.

This year has been a HUGE lesson in life and love. Balancing a career with a family is a tough job in itself. I found my outlet by allowing myself my own schedule, being home, and doing something I LOVE..... making TuTu's! My new business is Lisa Lou's Tutu's and im loving the creative outlet that it allows me to have.

Still waiting for lungs... going through another 50+ appointment workup to keep all my medical information up to date so that when that phone rings for lungs I will be READY! I have not always been excited for this procedure despite how optimistic I am about the entire situation. I can honestly say after having met with my Lung Transplant Surgeon Im OVERLY excited. He showed me where the incisions will be and how they will break the breast bone and cable it shut after surgery. He said I retain so much Carbon Dioxide that my lungs are getting larger in size with the trapped air which increases my chances of getting lungs from someone a little bit bigger than me. This is always a good thing. Iam now down to 11% and go thursday for another 2 hour Pulmonary Function Test to see if im still sitting at 11%.

Emily is growing up so fast. She can ride her bike with no training wheels and made it into the BIG GIRL pool in swimming lessons. Her intelligence far surpasses that of an average 5 year old. How am I so blessed with such an amazing little human being? Sometimes i sit back and watch her play, or talk with her friends and im absolutely proud of her communication skills and her willingness to help kids that can't stick up for themselves. She has a heart for so many and she touches so many lives.

Im done being anti-social (through my writing) that is. Im ready to give you all I have..... here's to more and more and more blogs filled with my life and the wonderful things that are in it!