One More Day

ONE MORE DAY

I refuse to lay down and give up on LIFE
All I want is to live and to be a great WIFE

A mother a friend a daughter an INSPIRATION

A Nobel peace prize I should win for DETERMINATION



What a hell I live through each and every DAY

Knowing that my tomorrow could be taken AWAY

What a helpless feeling it is to FEEL
That hospital macaroni and cheese could be my last MEAL



What a heaven sent gift it is to FEEL

The feeling of love that is oh so REAL

For someone to accept you for all that you ARE

To look so deep within and pay no mind to a SCAR



My strength comes from BELIEVING

My fear comes from LOSS

I want To be as fearless as Jesus dieing on the CROSS

There is so much out there I want to SEE

So many memories left for Emily and ME



What happens next is out of my CONTROL

With grace and acceptance I plan to UPHOLD

To love is to live and to believe is the WAY

God give me the strength to live ONE MORE DAY

______________________________________

Since I wrote this poem in August 2009 my life has changed dramatically. My health is stable, my daughter is intelligent and loving, and my sweet fiance Ryan could never be more understanding and loving at times I need it the most.

When I wrote this in August 09' things for me were uncertain. All I knew was I fell so deeply in love with a man that fit me, complimented me, and cared for me in a way I have never been cared for. Who would want to lose that? The best example I can give you is being 7 years old and having your parents tell you that your moving to Disneyland, to only find out that they were lying the whole time.........
I feared so much that I was going to finally feel complete and loved for who I was to only be taken out of this world and not be able to experience this beautiful reality.

I was just cleaning out my Microsoft Word Documents and before I deleted this poem from August I wanted to post it , to remember where I came from and where I am today.  Things are brighter than ever. Fear is not an option. As a family endless Love is what we got. Lots and lots of  endless beautiful love.

(Thank you Ryan Verboomen for making my little girl wishes of a fairytale life come true) I love you forever!

Today is THE day!

Today is the day that I have been tumor free for four years now! My life saving surgery four years ago was scheduled to be 13 hours long with a 50 percent chance of living through it. Im alive today because my time is not up. God has a plan and a purpose for my lfie that Im just now starting to figure out. Four years ago I wish I had the patience, and sunny disposition that I have now. I do realize that the process of getting older, gaining experience, and truly becoming a woman of GOD has made this possible.

Going back four years I remember the night before my surgery like it was yesterday. Emily was only 4 months old. I was in a hotel room near the hospital in Seattle where my surgery was to take place. I was up all night crying in fear of not being able to see Emily ever again. I can remember this as my most fearful moment to this day. I did not sleep that night...

Here it is 11:30 pm four years later on the same day I lived in so much fear...... I canno't sleep again tonight because I have drank too much mountain dew :) GOD IS GOOD!

Fear is something that paralizes you. Holds you back from feeling any other great emotion in your life. Living in Fear is needless and worthless...

Im so very thankful that I know GOD today and no longer have to live with my disease in fear. I find beauty in everything around me. I find a way to smile even when I know there is nothing I can do to control my situation. This is a beautiful reality..... I dont ever want to live any other way.

5 years here I come!