4 Years Strong

This coming March will mark 4 years of being Castleman's Disease FREE! I know its a bit premature to be writing about four years of success without this dreaded disease but hey its only 2 months away! I wanted to celebrate this year by giving back to others that may be feeling some of the feelings I was feeling when I didn't know weather or not I was going to make it through this disease or not. Desperation, hopelessness, mentally wrecked, emotionally disconnected, and confused. I try not to put myself into ANY categories when it comes to my illness. I am not the sick girl. I am not the girl with Castleman's Disease. I am not the girl with Paraneoplastic Pemphigus. I am certainly not the girl who will die from cancer either! I think when we put ourselves into a category we are treated a certain way and tend to only connect or generalize ourselves with others dealing with the same thing. The beautiful reality that I have come to see is that a drug addict homeless woman with a child who lives with her grandmother is probably very desperate, hopeless, mentally wrecked , emotionally disconnected, and confused. The point I'm trying to make is that just because my journey is medical driven doesn't mean that, this woman who has a drug problem and has lost her child is not feeling the same exact feelings I felt at one time.

I see outside the box. I can see how people get so low that they don't have the energy or spiritual guidance to want to come back up to the top. Having someone smile at you and not judge you is a great feeling. Having someone take time out of their day to do something for you to make your day a little easier showed me a side of people I had no clue existed. I want to give back all of the wonderful moments, talks, and precious time that so many of you gave to me when I was down. I thank god every day for my medical journey because I see life through a different lens. I was so blind to so much pain and suffering that really goes on in this world that I now see. I have been severely overweight due to my steroids. I have been dependent on ridiculously high doses of pain medications for my pain. I have been divorced due to the stress of having a illness, a baby, and a husband in the military. I have seen and felt so much pain that I empathize with that drug addicted woman, that overweight middle aged woman, or the divorced single mom. It doesn't really matter HOW we got there..... we were there!

I know that no matter how much I blog about this beautiful realization that some people will have no idea how wonderful it feels to live life not judging others for who or what they are. The reason I dedicated an entire book to it :) is because of the happiness it brings me to find a little something in everyone to love. I start volunteering at the local Friendship house this month and I'm really excited about hopefully sharing some of my experiences and gaining a little something from the women there as well.The picture above is the picture my mother took of my incision after the removal of my castleman's tumor in 2006. It reminds me daily of just how lucky I am to sit here on this awesome Dell computer and type to you with such happiness in my heart. 5 years here I come!

"Judgements prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances."  --Wayne Dyer