A blog inspired by my life and my medical struggles. My hope is to bring back as much kindness and support as so many have given to me when I needed it most!
The other day a little girl came to the door selling girl scout cookies. I can remember being you at that age raising money for camp, baseball, and cheerleading and how much I appreciated people buying my candy bars or can of nuts to help me be able to do the things I loved. I thought this would be a great way to help her and her troop but also help me in meeting my new neighbors.
Ryan and I moved here in the beginning of December and I have not formally met all my neighbors on our little culdesac. Our landlord owns all 6 houses on our lane and most of us have kids the same age which is really nice. I bought a box for each house so Emily and I could deliver them and say hello. I'm sure there are plenty of little friends to make and maybe even some possible friendships for me.
I'm glad I bought 7 boxes because I cant resist a thin mint for nothing. So there you have it. Random Act of Kindness #2! My heart is so full of happiness and ready for my next victim :)
Today I was catching up on a little Real World DC on MTV and ran across this cute little Mitsubishi Outlander commercial. After watching it, it hit me that this had so much more of a deeper meaning to me that I would like to share with you.
As I watched it I noticed that there were just things placed on invisible people like sunglasses , hats, and other accessories. A skateboard, with some really cool skateboarding shoes. An invisible lady strolling her baby in a baby stroller holding balloons wearing a cute hat and necklace. At the very end we see a couple of glasses one pair of men's reading glasses and some really rock-in Hollywood shades and we see them hop in the Mitsubishi Outlander. As soon as they sit in the car their invisible bodies that were once just adorning accessories become a full image of what they look like and who they are. The commercial leaves us saying, "The redesigned 2010 Mitsubishi Outlander......Its different for a reason!"
So there you have it a little synopsis on the commercial. What did I get from that that was so much deeper?
Its not the things we buy at the store to wear on our bodies or to accessorise our perfect outfit.
Its not the new skateboard with squeaky clean brand new white skateboarder shoes.
Its not how expensive our stroller that we push down the sidewalk.
Its not ALL of these things that make us who we are.
The moment the lady and the gentleman got in the car and you could actually see their faces, reminded me that it is our genuine smile, our actions, our demeanor, and all things that make up individuality within a person. Nothing about the things we buy , collect, or obsess over on the outside.
I hear a lot of kids say, and I can remember being younger and wanting to be an "individual!" In my opinion it doesn't take a piercing or a piece of clothing to separate you from one sect or the other. It just takes you and your social outlook on life, your morals/ideals, your artistic ability, your willingness to help others who cannot help themselves, and all other things good that make you I-N-D-I-V-I-D-U-A-L and Unique. None of these things can be bought in a store or sold on e-bay!
Thanks Mitsubishi for my good thoughts for the day!
So here is the picture to mark my very first official Random Act of Kindness! My little Emily who is 4 years old took this photo that is why it is VERY crooked! I am holding a letter that I wrote addressed to:
To: A Very Important Person
From: Someone who appreciates what you do
The letter went a little something like this:
Hi, My name is Lisa and I want to take a minute to let you know how much I appreciate what you do. I cannot count how many times I have been driving back and forth to Seattle for my chemotherapy and radiation appointments all hours of the night and needed to stop for gas and coffee. Good Ole' seven eleven open 24 hours a day was there for me. You work crazy hours and probably never have a set schedule. Working to the wee hours of the morning I'm sure gets exhausting and I want to tell you that I appreciate your work. I hope you have a great day and know that this simple Random Act of Kindness can be passed on by you too.
Thank you Again,
Lisa
in my letter i passed on a little RAKD bookmark that says: KINDNESSS pass it on!
When I walked in today after my little photo shoot outside the gas pump with a 4 year old, im sure they already had an idea that I was nuts. I walked in with a smile and found the first employee that made eye contact wtih me and said I have a letter for you. She looked at me like i was insane and a little scared. I said, "have a great day" and walked out.
For those of you out there who have not heard of this wonderful foundation called the Random Acts of Kindness, I'm going to take a brief minute and tell you a bit about it. The Random Acts of Kindness foundation was started in 1995 for people that are committed to spreading kindness. It is a non profit organization, they are not affiliated with any church group or organization, and they do not accept money or donations. Their website at http://www.actsofkindness.org/ is a huge recourse for anyone interested in learning more about how they can spread kindness wherever they go.
The first time I heard of this was when Brian Eager passed away. Brian Eager was only 18 years old at the time he died of cancer. Brian was the little brother to one of my good friends Nicole Eager. We went to school together and his father Bob Eager was one of my teachers growing up. This death hit home for so many because of how old Brian was and the fact that he was such a happy , good, well rounded kid. Brian and I were both going through chemotherapy and radiation at the same time. I remember my dad passing away Dec. 13Th and Brian's death was shortly after. I had so many funerals to attend that January it was unacceptable. All of them due to cancer.
Brian's sisters started passing around the Random Acts of Kindness ideas after his passing and encouraging others to jump on board. At the time I was so sick and not able to really concentrate on anything other than my health and taking care of my little baby. Ever since I have been itching to get this thing going MY WAY!
I want to say thank you to Nicole and Monica Eager (Brian's sisters) for introducing me to this idea that is about to change so many peoples lives.
I journal every night before I fall asleep and I have kept a record of very meaningful acts of kindness that I would like to spread around Grays Harbor in hopes of getting more people to catch on to this idea. For my first victim :) hahahah I need an assistant to be with me. My idea is that I will take a photo with or in front of every place I'm spreading kindness, kind of like a log of the places I have been and memories to share with my kids one day. I have been practicing RAKD for a long time now but just not in the way that I'm going to now. I will be posting all my RAKD moments for you to see and hopefully inspire you to do the same.
The website I posted earlier has all kinds of great ideas to get started and I encourage you to at least take a look at what some people are doing. There is a place to create your own RAKD website but I'm not sure if it is free. If it is than I'm jumping on the RAKD band wagon.
First recorded Random Acts of Kindness will require:
A pen
A photographer
A blank thank you card
and.......
Some of my beautiful penmanship :)
I hope you come back to see exactly what I came up with for the first RAK!
"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truely endless!" Mother Teresa
My oh my is all I have to say about this weeks newest fitness extravaganza. Ryan's mom and I (Kathy) are starting this new work out routine to both achieve different goals. My goal being that I want and desperately need to regain all that muscle I once had and put some more weight on me. Kathy's goal being that she wants to just loose some extra lbs and get in shape. Our goal :
To work out for 1 hour 5 days a week
We take turns choosing the activity or fitness exercises
One day I drive to her house, The next she drives to mine
Start working out at 10 am completed by 11 and showered for our day by 12
We are a bit new to the workout/fitness scene so yesterday as we did not have any weights to work with we raided the pantry at her house to find the heaviest soup cans we could. We ended up with good ole chili! Emily was sitting back watching us looking at us like we were crazy. We were blasting tunes from You Tube on the computer with such selections (by yours truly) You Tube Search: Aerobic Super Mega Dance Mix!
Here's the kicker. I do fairly well these days with my new medicine and inhalers to walk, enjoy life, not be so out of breath that i have to sit and take breaks but when I get up and dance or work out which I have ALWAYS loved to do, I get very very very low on oxygen. So low that I need to wear my portable o2 while working out. This gets in the way and weighs quite a bit to carry around so I'm thinking about making like a portable backpack apparatus that looks "cool" and slightly inconspicuous! My hope is that I don't come to spin class and get made fun of like back in grade school like, "Hey look at the nerd with the rocketeer pack on her back!" :) i don't think that will happen though ...... BUT IF IT DID , They don't stand a chance against the cans of chili I pack in the front compartment! I will post pics of my superpack once its completed.
I'm trying harder than ever to gain gain gain weight but nothing seems to be working. After our workout yesterday I ate a half a pound of bacon, 3 eggs, 4 fried potatoes, and a protein shake! Now that's some serious calories. I don't care which little food group they come from I just want to put on the pounds on for goodness sake. What I'm trying to get at here is the difference in taking care of my body with all natural foods and eating well for my cancer treatments and now I'm working out and eating anything I can shove in my face just to gain a lb! I'm kinda loving it. Its very labor intensive though. The more I work out the hungrier I get so that means more time in the kitchen, just to cook for myself. I love to cook and would much rather cook for everyone. Ryan says he has gained 17 lbs since he stopped chewing at Christmas and that my new DIET :) is not helping....... this should make for an interesting next couple months!
This coming March will mark 4 years of being Castleman's Disease FREE! I know its a bit premature to be writing about four years of success without this dreaded disease but hey its only 2 months away! I wanted to celebrate this year by giving back to others that may be feeling some of the feelings I was feeling when I didn't know weather or not I was going to make it through this disease or not. Desperation, hopelessness, mentally wrecked, emotionally disconnected, and confused. I try not to put myself into ANY categories when it comes to my illness. I am not the sick girl. I am not the girl with Castleman's Disease. I am not the girl with Paraneoplastic Pemphigus. I am certainly not the girl who will die from cancer either! I think when we put ourselves into a category we are treated a certain way and tend to only connect or generalize ourselves with others dealing with the same thing. The beautiful reality that I have come to see is that a drug addict homeless woman with a child who lives with her grandmother is probably very desperate, hopeless, mentally wrecked , emotionally disconnected, and confused. The point I'm trying to make is that just because my journey is medical driven doesn't mean that, this woman who has a drug problem and has lost her child is not feeling the same exact feelings I felt at one time.
I see outside the box. I can see how people get so low that they don't have the energy or spiritual guidance to want to come back up to the top. Having someone smile at you and not judge you is a great feeling. Having someone take time out of their day to do something for you to make your day a little easier showed me a side of people I had no clue existed. I want to give back all of the wonderful moments, talks, and precious time that so many of you gave to me when I was down. I thank god every day for my medical journey because I see life through a different lens. I was so blind to so much pain and suffering that really goes on in this world that I now see. I have been severely overweight due to my steroids. I have been dependent on ridiculously high doses of pain medications for my pain. I have been divorced due to the stress of having a illness, a baby, and a husband in the military. I have seen and felt so much pain that I empathize with that drug addicted woman, that overweight middle aged woman, or the divorced single mom. It doesn't really matter HOW we got there..... we were there!
I know that no matter how much I blog about this beautiful realization that some people will have no idea how wonderful it feels to live life not judging others for who or what they are. The reason I dedicated an entire book to it :) is because of the happiness it brings me to find a little something in everyone to love. I start volunteering at the local Friendship house this month and I'm really excited about hopefully sharing some of my experiences and gaining a little something from the women there as well.The picture above is the picture my mother took of my incision after the removal of my castleman's tumor in 2006. It reminds me daily of just how lucky I am to sit here on this awesome Dell computer and type to you with such happiness in my heart. 5 years here I come!
"Judgements prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances." --Wayne Dyer
My dreams of Emily becoming the next member of the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleading squad have officially been SQUASHED! I put her in a little cheer camp at Aberdeen High School where they taught them a couple cheers and how to get the crowd going! She HATED it! After the first day I asked her why she didn't like it and her response was, "Why do I need to be happy and jump around when I don't know why I'm happy?" I cracked up laughing. So, what she was trying to say is, "Mom, I'm out here jumping up and down and I don't understand why this is so cool!" I took her the 2nd day just to make sure that she was finished with the whole cheerleading thing and as we walked through the door she immediately said, "NO! I'm not doing this mommy!" What can ya do? :) so we went to McDonald's and got some ice cream. That was the end of my cheerleading hopes and dreams for Emily.
She has always loved to sing. In the car, in her room while she is playing, and now its become a thing of wanting to sing in front of other people. For a 4 year old little girl her voice is beautiful. She can sing in time and in tune with every song she takes the time to learn. I often walk by her room and she will be singing a song that she has made up to the tune of twinkle twinkle little star. She is thinking outside the box and already improvising! I'm loving it!
Her favorite singer is Taylor Swift. She can sing every word of You belong with me!
Somewhere over the rainbow, and a couple Hawaiian songs are her new favorites to practice on the Karaoke machine. I only joke when i say MY hopes and dreams were crushed :) I am however amazed at how interested in singing she is at this age. With that said I'm going to try to cultivate this talent and see where it goes. Singing lessons start Wednesday!
This Christmas was the best Christmas Emily and I have ever had. Being a part of Ryan's family traditions this year was really a great experience. When you share your life with someone you always hope that you will get along with their family. Not only did I have to worry about that "getting along issue," but i had to overcome the stigma attached to a divorced, 26 year old female, with little girl, and a side of cancer treatments issue! :)
I can honestly say I have never felt more comfortable and accepted by any family in my entire life. Its almost like the cliche line of, "finding your perfect match/soul mate!" I really think that he was put on earth for me as I was put on earth for him. His parents love Emily and treat her as if she were their own. His brother and sisters make an amazing group of aunt's and uncles and I just want to put it out there that Emily and I are so very blessed! In this picture is Aunt Jessica (Ryan's brothers wife) and Emily baking a week before Christmas.
Jessica just found out that she is pregnant and I couldn't be any more excited. I feel like this will take the edge off of my baby withdrawals a bit! Its very hard for me to deal with the fact that Emily might be my only child as I have ALWAYS wanted a lot of kids running around. Once we get married we are going to look a little deeper into adopting if I cannot get pregnant. All the radiation that was done to my abdomen might have made it harder or impossible for me to ever have kids again. Emily is at the age now where she is learning responsibility and I can see in her that she would be a great big sister. I want her to have someone to grow up with! This is my new years wish.......
