Pneumonia, Christmas, & Ballet

So today I sit here in my bed....
Its noon.....
My mind is taking me places I want to go but my body will not allow me to do so.

Updates
_______

Pneumonia : Battle , fighting, and trying to get this dreaded lung issue under control. Everyone Else's common cold turns into the dreaded Pneumonia for me and its just a pain in my side... I'm telling you a PAIN in my side. I'm on some hefty antibiotics, steroids, and breathing treatments along with my oxygen of course. Mornings are still the absolute WORST. I take a breathing treatment and feel like I can clean the house and take over the world and an hour later i lose that breathing treatment super hero feeling and back to the bed I go... I'm so thankful I made it through Christmas and the Nutcracker productions for my little girl.

Christmas: Emily was blessed beyond measure this year. zhu zhu pet everything, and all kinds of arts and crafts for mommy and her to do together. She was a HUGE hit in the production of the Nutcracker this year. She was a party girl, snow angel, gum drop, sheep, angel, and waltzing flower. Her bravery and interest in theater is just a joy to see. She asks me every week when she can dance on stage again.

Ballet: Iam now the Administrator at the Lighthouse Ballet Academy and LOVE what I do. We just recently put together the Nutcracker and in May we will be doing Cinderella. I found a new passion for sewing and got a sewing machine from my mother for Christmas. I'm so excited to start making clothes and costumes.

this is just A BRIEF, QUICK , AND much needed update. When I'm not so sleepy i will take some more time to go into detail on some of these things like I should have done right now :/ love you all and thank you for your ongoing support and well wishes.

Lisa

Lung Transplant---101 (not an elective course)

before you read this blog entry........

IF YOU ARE NOT AN ORGAN DONOR PLEASE WATCH THIS VIDEO AND RETHINK YOUR OPTION AS YOU COULD SAVE SOMEONES LIFE WHO MIGHT DIE ON A WAITING LIST WAITING FOR AN ORGAN TRANSPLANT!




I can feel it. The need to breath. The want to breath to see my little girl grow up , graduate, go to college, get married ,and have children. The want to see my little nieces and nephews play sports and be able to be together at holidays and other special moments. I often wonder if me putting my Lung Transplant on (hold) was in my best interest. I have been struggling way more than usual and have a feeling when I go into the clinic to get my 3 month check on  my lung function and oxygen levels they will suggest getting put on the (active) waiting list. My last PFT (Pulmonary Function Test) I had done was horrible. I am gradually decreasing. One of the references that they test for Pulmonary Obstruction (which is what I have) is by the FEV1. This stands for Forced Expiratory Volume in 1 second. The maximum volume of air that can forcibly blow out in the first second during the FEV manoeuvre. A healthy girl my age should be within 75-85%. Mine is down to 23% as of December 4th 2009. They use the FEV1 as a huge marker in patients needing transplant as it shows how much obstruction you have going on in your bronchial airways.

Five months ago my mother and my fiance Ryan attended a Lung Transplant Education course needed to complete my final approval for transplant. It put me in a state of mind that I didn't expect. Instead of leaving having some sort of comfort and knowledge I could hardly remember what the lady was speaking about for hours, I had a full blown anxiety attack in the car on the way home, and was convinced I was not ready for this Transplant. The statistics and complications outweighed my struggle to breath everyday by far. Now I'm feeling just the opposite. I'm starting to feel like my struggle for breathing is not only dangerous to my otherwise healthy heart, and my overall state of being. Not being able to gain weight has been the biggest struggle of them all. They call it the hypoxemic diet. Eating nothing but air. In a way its funny but its so true. I spend all day sucking in ridiculous amounts of air , working my heart into a marathon running like state, and all the while trying to stay calm like places in church. Inside I feel so anxious, and nervous.

In my class I learned so much about Lung Transplant and how it works. It was not until 1963 that the first human lung was transplanted.  It was NOT successful. Up until 1983 lung transplants were still considered experimental treatments. It was then in 1983, the year I was born that the very FIRST successful lung transplant was completed. I will be receiving all my transplant care at the University of Washington, one of the very best in transplant survival rates and patient care. They are currently transplanting around 50 sets of lungs a year in Seattle. 

UNOS is the United Network for Organ Sharing and is an important part of my education on lung transplant. They hold all the Typical wait list volumes for the United States and other vital statistics. Each year there are wait list volumes that follow as such:

Kidney: 78, 829
Liver:     17,010
Heart:      2,670
Lung:       2,183
Pancreas: 1,644

Contrary to what most might think about a waiting list I learned quite a bit that made me feel like if I did get on that list that I would actually have a chance at getting a pair of lungs. They go off of this new system called the LAS (Lung Allocation Score) They test you on a number of different areas like age, diagnosis, smoking history, BMI, Functional status, and 6 minute walk tests to name a few. You are given a score depending on where you place in all these areas. The higher the score the higher you go up on the waiting list. That doesn't necessarily mean that you will be the first to receive lungs because you have to remember that you cannot put 6' tall 250 lb man lungs into my little 100 lb 5'3" body. It has to be a size match. Also, because I have conceived a child I produce a hormone that could not mesh with a donor lung if they too do not produce this hormone. It is complicated, and absolutely amazing that so much goes into getting a pair of lungs. The general wait time is about 683 days according to UNOS as of right now for lungs.

UWMC SURVIVAL STATISTICS

Average survival 2000-2009

1 year- 85%
3 year- 73%
5 year- 62%

these are amazing compared to the overall averages reported by all centers in the US. I feel so blessed to be a part of the UWMC medical transplant team. For instance the Survival for 3 years as reported from all centers averaged out was 66%. That is a whole 7% difference on MY SIDE :)

I am in the WAMI region which means I will receive donor lungs from Washington, Alaska, Montana, Idaho, and Oregon. When my transplant doctor, Dr. Mulligan receives information from another donor center in any of these states the call would go something like this. "Dr. Mulligan I have a set of lungs here from a 125 lb female who has overdosed on drugs. She was pronounced dead 20 minutes ago. She has also had a child and was wondering if you had any donors that could possibly match her." Dr. Mulligan knowing my size and history would most likely say yes i do and would be on the next flight to wherever these lungs are available. First I would receive a phone call or page on my pager saying your lungs are ready you have 2 hours to get here for surgery. He flies a private jet to get lungs, inspects them himself and says yes or no right on the spot after looking at them. If for some reason he gets there and they just do not look like something he wants to put in my body then I would be notified while in a gown in surgery waiting that this was a "dry run" meaning Dr. was NOT pleased with the look of the lungs and to go home and wait for the next phone call. This can happen up to 3 times for some people.

With all this said you can see how I'm scared in some ways but very HOPEFUL in others. When it really comes down to it my whole life will change again. 17 drugs for the rest of my life. Infections constantly. Possibility of rejection. Little to no immune system and that is no fun all in itself.

OK that was just the TIP of the iceberg but information that most of you might not have known otherwise so I wanted to post it so that we are all on the same page. Back to the more upbeat Lisa.....

What good Is it going to do to worry and worry about something that is out of my control.
God has a plan for my life and who am I to question what he has in store for me. I need my friends and family to help me through this and keep me positive. I know I will need you more than I ever have.
God is making this transplant and everything else that has gone on in my life easier knowing that if anything should happen to me, I will be with him forever. Not a bad place to be if you ask me. Does this mean that I'm giving up because it saddens me or scares me in some ways? NEVER! I will never give up. I want to be that 80 year old woman who looks back and says, "WOW I was the percent that defied all percentages and statistics known to man!" That will be me. That will be me!

My Inspiration in the realest form

The woman who inspired me to start blogging and writing about my medical journey was V. We found eachother through a post on You Tube regarding IVIG therapy's and it's importance. Come to find out she suffers from Paraneoplastic Pemphigus and the lung condition that I'm plagued with for the rest of my life if I dont get a successfull lung transplant. Her level of PNP was so severe that she actually went blind and again regained her vision some time later. It would be like me falling down and getting my knee scraped compared to the tribulations this woman has gone through to fight for her life. Even though my PNP has definitely got the best of me at times and my life expectancy was hanging by a thread I made it through.

As months go by and the more stories we share with one another and our health the more important I know it is that I must go see her. I will not feel complete in anything I do until I meet this woman. She has a beautiful family and knows EXACTLY what I'm talking about when I say how I feel.

How the thought of stairs makes me want to vomit. How sitting up for an hour in the morning coughing up junk out of my lungs is the norm before even drinking my morning coffee.  How having to pick and choose what to eat and when depending on your PNP flaring up and how it might turn your mouth into hamburger help-me! How having little to no energy to do the most simple things in life makes us feel like we are 90 years old. How getting up and taking a shower and getting ourselves presentable for the day is more like the equivalent of running a 5k.

I know V feels me on all of these things. I have never met her, but I know her. I love her, and I can't wait to meet her and her family. She lives in San Fransisco where I have family that is willing to let me stay if I need to, so I'm getting excited to see her in the very near future.

The reason V is on my mind so much today is because her cancer has come back. She is going through chemotherapy and it just sucks. As if that is not enough she has to deal with our dreaded lung disease which rips every bit of happiness and energy you did have out of your day when its "acting up!" Its just so unfortunate to see her struggle when I wish I could be there to help her when I'm strong and vice versa.
This month her sweet wife Dani and son Parker took her on a trip to see Scotland, London, and Paris to name a few. She wrote me the other day and said that she was in a wheelchair wheeling around seeing the sites and that it was exhausting but spectacular!

V put it simply in her last email to me that she sent from Angel Station in London. Our diseases might take away some things but NOT everything! She couldn't have said it any better. Please remember every day is a blessing. I have certainly been in a funk lately and need to get my self back to my "better more inspirational" frame of mind. I would not be human though if I said every day was sunny without a chance of showers.

Thank you for reading! God Bless all of you who pray for me, V, and anyone else who struggles to hang on for dear life!

****************************************************************************
If you are ever interested in following V's blog she is an amazing writer and story teller. Her website is http://www.alotoflife.com/ you can access her blog at the very top uner V'S VERSION BLOG.

To Grandmother's House we go......

(EVERYONE SING) Over the pass and through the mountains to grandmother's house we go. The mother in law knows the way to carry the K - I -A through the rain, hail , sleet and snooooowwwwwww OH!

My fly by the seat of my pants attitude certainly got the best of me this week. On Thursday of last week my soon to be mother in law says to me, "Want to go on a road trip to California tomorrow?" Of course I was all in. Spent the whole day packing and getting ready for Emily and I to go on our road trip with Grammy. Ryan had to work so we left him home to fend for himself. We drove my car, (the K-I-A) to Susanville, California. Contrary to what most might think, this part of California is cold, dry, and COLD! In the mountains it is nestled and is a very small little town. This is where Ryan grew up and played football in high school so I was really excited to see his old house and his hometown.

We arrived on Friday night and as soon as I got out of the car I thought I might be coming down with a cold or something. By the time I woke up on Saturday I was fully stuffed in all my nasal passages and miserable as ever. We were staying with Ryan's Grammy Jane at her house and I just have to say she is the ultimate version of an amazing Grandma. Fresh baked cookies, soft warm beds to sleep in, and meals that even Paula dean could not do justice. Grammy Jane is hospitable, loving, and always trying to make you feel comfortable.

Even though I was not feeling great I tried to visit with family and friends and enjoy my time. By Sunday my heart rate was so fast I knew I had to go to the ER to get things checked out. They did a cat scan , chest x-ray, blood work , and urine tests. I ended up having allergies to whatever was in bloom in that area at the time that caused me to have a severe sinusitis infection that showed up on a CAT SCAN. My oxygen level was at 79% with no oxygen on due to the higher elevation. Being that I only have 20% lung function it made it that much harder to breath up at 5,000 ft when back home we are at sea level. Quite a combo of things going on with a heart rate of 150 bpm just laying down in a bed. I cant imagine what it was while i was up motoring around the previous 2 days. The doctors were very worried about my heart rate and would not let me leave until they felt it was down enough for me to travel back home. This small little hospital in Susanville, CA did not have room for me. They decided to send me by ambulance to the big hospital in RENO, NV for my stay.

I had a HUGE hospital room, cool skylight, bed for my mother in law to sleep in, and i could go on and on. It was a really great room. My view out my window was of the Reno Nevada strip. Pretty amazing! Once doctors got my heart rate down they sent me home with enough oxygen to get to Washington in hopes that once i returned i would go right back to normal. Thank god that is exactly what happened. I couldn't have done it without my Mother in law who was so amazing and stood next to me the whole time. She prayed with me, cried with me, listened to me , and was just there. I love her and will always remember our fly by the seat of our pants trip to california.We can laugh now :)

My beautiful skylight!

Just before discharge!

My sweet Mother in Law!

One More Day

ONE MORE DAY

I refuse to lay down and give up on LIFE
All I want is to live and to be a great WIFE

A mother a friend a daughter an INSPIRATION

A Nobel peace prize I should win for DETERMINATION



What a hell I live through each and every DAY

Knowing that my tomorrow could be taken AWAY

What a helpless feeling it is to FEEL
That hospital macaroni and cheese could be my last MEAL



What a heaven sent gift it is to FEEL

The feeling of love that is oh so REAL

For someone to accept you for all that you ARE

To look so deep within and pay no mind to a SCAR



My strength comes from BELIEVING

My fear comes from LOSS

I want To be as fearless as Jesus dieing on the CROSS

There is so much out there I want to SEE

So many memories left for Emily and ME



What happens next is out of my CONTROL

With grace and acceptance I plan to UPHOLD

To love is to live and to believe is the WAY

God give me the strength to live ONE MORE DAY

______________________________________

Since I wrote this poem in August 2009 my life has changed dramatically. My health is stable, my daughter is intelligent and loving, and my sweet fiance Ryan could never be more understanding and loving at times I need it the most.

When I wrote this in August 09' things for me were uncertain. All I knew was I fell so deeply in love with a man that fit me, complimented me, and cared for me in a way I have never been cared for. Who would want to lose that? The best example I can give you is being 7 years old and having your parents tell you that your moving to Disneyland, to only find out that they were lying the whole time.........
I feared so much that I was going to finally feel complete and loved for who I was to only be taken out of this world and not be able to experience this beautiful reality.

I was just cleaning out my Microsoft Word Documents and before I deleted this poem from August I wanted to post it , to remember where I came from and where I am today.  Things are brighter than ever. Fear is not an option. As a family endless Love is what we got. Lots and lots of  endless beautiful love.

(Thank you Ryan Verboomen for making my little girl wishes of a fairytale life come true) I love you forever!

Today is THE day!

Today is the day that I have been tumor free for four years now! My life saving surgery four years ago was scheduled to be 13 hours long with a 50 percent chance of living through it. Im alive today because my time is not up. God has a plan and a purpose for my lfie that Im just now starting to figure out. Four years ago I wish I had the patience, and sunny disposition that I have now. I do realize that the process of getting older, gaining experience, and truly becoming a woman of GOD has made this possible.

Going back four years I remember the night before my surgery like it was yesterday. Emily was only 4 months old. I was in a hotel room near the hospital in Seattle where my surgery was to take place. I was up all night crying in fear of not being able to see Emily ever again. I can remember this as my most fearful moment to this day. I did not sleep that night...

Here it is 11:30 pm four years later on the same day I lived in so much fear...... I canno't sleep again tonight because I have drank too much mountain dew :) GOD IS GOOD!

Fear is something that paralizes you. Holds you back from feeling any other great emotion in your life. Living in Fear is needless and worthless...

Im so very thankful that I know GOD today and no longer have to live with my disease in fear. I find beauty in everything around me. I find a way to smile even when I know there is nothing I can do to control my situation. This is a beautiful reality..... I dont ever want to live any other way.

5 years here I come!

Here's Life Inner City

                                                                                     
We have been back from our youth trip to Seattle Tacoma now for 4 days. It has taken this long for me to post all we had experienced because I do not want to leave a detail out. This post will be long and maybe boring to some, but for me and the people I experienced this with it is a beautiful and amazing thing....

Lyndsey and I went into this kind of blind not knowing what we were doing while we were there. The first night was Friday night and for the duration of the weekend we would be staying in Our Saviors Baptist Church. We had the boys in one room, and the girls down the hall in another. 5 girls total which was really nice because we were able to get to know one another very well. There were no showers so we just freshened up daily as best as we could out of a restroom. I think we did pretty good considering :)
Lyndsey & I
                                                                      

Before we went to bed on Friday night we had a brief introduction as to what it is that we would be doing this weekend, and the people who made this possible. Chris & Amanda are the head of "Here's Life Inner City" Seattle/Tacoma. They are amazing people, with hearts for the poor, brokenhearted, and homeless. These two inspired me so much. Just to see how strong their marriage was because they were pulling for the same cause and working hard to help so many through bringing not only blankets, scarfs, and gloves to the homeless but HOPE and the word of JESUS CHRIST!
Chris & Amanda
     with HLIC!                                                

In this brief meeting before bed on Friday night we were given the do's and don'ts of being out on the street with the homeless and underneath the bridges. We learned how to speak to them about their situation and learned to establish a relationship by LISTENING to them and all they had to say before bringing CHRIST into any of our conversations. We were not their to preach. We were there to help , give hope, and use our goodness and love for a greater purpose. If they brought up prayer or wanting to know CHRIST then that is where we would come in with prayer and acceptance in inviting JESUS into their hearts. Under a bridge , in the middle of the park, or on a cold sidewalk as they lay there in a sleeping bag trying to stay warm. It didn't matter whenever the question was asked about JESUS we took the time to do the best we could to explain and invite him in their hearts if that is something they truly wanted.

Saturday morning we headed to a low income apartment complex in the projects on the south side in order to clean up a mess that had been left behind from a previous homeless family that lived their. Our job was to clean up ankle deep trash , black mold, sweep, mop, scrub , and more scrubbing to get the apartment ready for another family that is ready to come off the street and get a fresh start. Our youth boys and girls did an amazing job jumping in and helping get this done as quickly and efficiently as possible. Who would have thought that cleaning something that dirty could make you feel so good inside. Looking back before we shut the door it was a good feeling to know that we did a little something to help the next family that was to soon live there.

Saturday Evening is when we drove our HOPE bus ( a black and white previously PRISON BUS ) into downtown Seattle and parked right in the middle of the park and near the underpass.

The Hope Bus parked for breakfast at Alki Beach
                                                                           

We were prepared with the proper approach, gloves, scarves, SOCKS, food, drinks, and the word of god. When the bus stopped some of the homeless people came running to the bus with open arms ready to hug us and receive our goods. They were so thankful that we were there. We were all crammed up in aisle and didn't know really who was going to get off the bus first. I can say though that as soon as we got off that bus we were all in our element doing what we were there to do. It was like we had the power of GOD and the protection of him behind us fueling us to serve a purpose. We met so many AMAZING individuals who all have a story and a reason for why they are where they are today. This was my favorite part. Getting to know them and all they had to say. Lyndsey and I would meet with people and later get on the bus to share stories and just be in awe of some of the struggles.

Every time we got on the bus to go-to another location I would write down the name of who I prayed with and spoke to so I could remember this experience in the most personal way possible.

My favorite of all the homeless men and women we met was a man I will call P. P was Colombian from Miami and involved with the trafficking of cocaine in the Colombian cartel. He spent 17 years in prison to leave prison to come straight to the cold streets of Seattle. He sleeps under the bridge and has quite a cute little set up. He smelled so nice , contrary to what one might think of a homeless person. I asked him what he was wearing and he said Giorgio Armani that he stole from Macy's! hahahah that is his personality so flamboyant and in your face. His first question to me was if I believe in Humanity. I responded with a huge yes and said why else would I be out here today under this bridge in your space sharing stories and bringing you socks to keep your feet warm. He got angry and started to go into how he gets treated by people walking by saying get a job, not even acknowledging his presence or making eye contact with him. I think the example he used was if they just pretend to not see you than I guess you dont exist. Evan (one of the youth boys) and I spent a good 30 minutes under the bridge with P talking about whatever he wanted to talk about. Towards the end of our conversation he told me this is where he wants to be. He knows when he is ready he will take the steps needed to get off the streets but for right now this suits him just fine. He loved our conversation as did I and our willingness to accept him for P the funny flamboyant Miami native and not for what he did. Before I left him under that bridge to sleep for the night I asked him how he made his money out here and he said without hesitation, "I sell drugs!" His honesty, his heart, and his willingness to share his story with me made me feel special to be in his presence for that short 30 minutes.

Our last day in Seattle we attended The Cross Church which is a church for recovering addicts, presently addicted addicts, and those who want to experience CHRIST in service in a place where they feel comfortable being themselves. Walking through the doors of a Sunday church service loaded on drugs is often times not the norm. At the Cross Church they accept you and celebrate sobriety through CHRIST. It was a beautiful experience to say the least. To see these young youth kids from Grays Harbor walk into this church and take up the first 2 rows of church pews , going completely out of our comfort zone to experience things that others who struggle with addiction experience. Their service was intoxicating, uplifting, and exciting! I would love to go back someday soon as I promised one lady there. Her name was Melody and her testimony of life before CHRIST and life now was such an eye opening reminder of how God does have the ability to change our hearts and minds and everyone should be given a 2nd chance.

                                                                  

Our weekend was filled with so much more than just what I have typed but this is the basic rundown of what our trip with "Here's Life Inner City" was all about. 

Something I want to leave you with is something I learned this weekend in our study. The 2nd most talked about subject in the bible is the poor and brokenhearted. There are over 500 verses to back this up. Why would the Bible or any book for that matter concentrate so highly on a certain subject? To grab the readers attention! To teach! To enlighten and to bring awareness to the fact that God loves everyone even the poor and brokenhearted. This is just a small example that really spoke to me. More than just that the homeless give us an avenue as Christians to love God! Through our actions we take care of those who God loves and talks about abundantly in the Bible.

I feel so inspired and more educated on homelessness. We will ALWAYS have homeless people and people who are poor. We cannot go out and change that no matter how hard we try. The one thing we can do is bring HOPE to those who are brokenhearted by listening, and little things like socks to keep their feet warm and clean.

The lessons we learn from our failures-------- Are Lessons that help us succeed---------And if we are wise to heed them---------Then failure is just what we need!

Learn more
Listen more
Judge Less!

Amen :)

Seattle Homeless Misson

This Friday we leave with our youth pastor to go to Seattle/Tacoma area and reach out to the homeless. We are spending all day Saturday doing service projects to put together things like blankets, toiletries, and food that they might need. Sunday will be spent at a homeless church I believe under and overpass.

I cant tell you how excited I am to learn something new about something I have never had to experience. I have so much respect for those in need because when it really comes down to it without family & friends, or a strong sense of faith it is hard to get back up from rock bottom. I hope that this experience will teach me more about why and how people become homeless and what it is that they most desire in life besides a bottle or a drug. Being homeless should not define them as a person but as a society we have labeled and thrown them into a category which enables their strengths such as music, art, or service to be completely overshadowed.

To walk a mile in someone else's shoes is a great example of what I will be experiencing this weekend and I go into this with an open mind, a loving heart, and a special word......... the word of GOD!

Going Through The Motions

Today I was on my way home at 4 am from driving my friend Christine to the Airport. I was having a hard time finding anything good on the radio at the time so I switched it to a christian music station based out of Seattle. To my surprise I heard one of the most inspiring songs I have ever heard in my life. After 2 verses of the song I was crying, smiling, and in awe of how this song was resonating through my entire body.  I had no clue who sang the song so I wrote down the name quickly so I could look it up when I got home. This is what I found.....

Singer : Matthew West
Song title: Going Through The Motions

"On May 17th 2007 Matthew West went through career threatening vocal surgery. In the time that followed, he faced a season of silence and uncertainty. We all face trials. Matthew's story is proof that God is at work even in our weakest moments. This is where change begins...."



Matthew had 2 full months of nothing to say which is why all of these songs on his CD are so powerful. Most of the songs on his new CD were written before his surgery but it took that experience to fully understand their meaning! The all encompassing message of the entire album, he says, is “no matter how many mistakes we’ve made or trials we’ve faced, it’s the brokenness of our lives that God uses to give us something to say to the world.

I have faced a lot of trials and brokenness in my short 26 years and I truly believe like Matthew that God is giving me something to say to the world! This song makes everything that I'm dealing with in my life make so much sense. If there was one song to describe everything I feel, everything I crave, this would be the one. All in all this to me is everything BRILLIANT!

Church Work Party

Yesterday we had a church work party for Immanuel Baptist Church. We are trying to fix up the old church to hopefully sell and help pay for the new church that is already built. We had a lot of jobs like painting, cleaning, framing, and foundation work to be done. Lyndsey and I got there bright and early with mama Verboomen to help start the work party. We originally signed up for painting but all the painting jobs were taken so we tackled the creepy upstairs attic room filled with inches of dust and cobwebs. To be honest with you I feel so at peace in old houses like that or rooms that others might get the hebegebees I just feel comfortable. I used the shop vac to go along the walls and get all the cob webs and suck up all the dirt that fell between the cracks in the old hard wood floor. I found 100 year old tiles, really old bobby pins , and a little kids toy that was at least 50 years old. I enjoyed doing a job and seeing the finished product. This is something I am not use to as much anymore due to not being able to have a "real job!"

This picture we took while we were eating lunch in the pews of the old sanctuary. I think its cute because with me in my camo and Lyndsey with her hood on it looks as though we might be without a home and trying to dry off from the rain for a hot meal at the mission. We made the best of it and had lots of fun helping out the church. We left early because we had way too much black stuff coming out of our noses and we were a bit grossed out. I know that was a little too much information but hey its still coming out today.

Lyndsey is one of those people you could sit and talk with for hours and never get bored or run out of things to talk about. We are a lot a like in the way that we love people, love talking, and love experiencing new things. I can see Lyndsey and I in the future really coming together and being quite a force to be reckoned with. I love her and cant wait to call her my sister one day. All in all the church work party was more than just a day to put in my time and help. It was another great day to spend with friends and family, another day I am grateful for god giving me to be here to write to you!

RAKD #2 Girl Scout Cookies For my Neighbors

The other day a little girl came to the door selling girl scout cookies. I can remember being you at that age raising money for camp, baseball, and cheerleading and how much I appreciated people buying my candy bars or can of nuts to help me be able to do the things I loved. I thought this would be a great way to help her and her troop but also help me in meeting my new neighbors.

Ryan and I moved here in the beginning of December and I have not formally met all my neighbors on our little culdesac. Our landlord owns all 6 houses on our lane and most of us have kids the same age which is really nice. I bought a box for each house so Emily and I could deliver them and say hello. I'm sure there are plenty of little friends to make and maybe even some possible friendships for me.

I'm glad I bought 7 boxes because I cant resist a thin mint for nothing. So there you have it. Random Act of Kindness #2! My heart is so full of happiness and ready for my next victim :)

"Its different for a reason!"

Today I was catching up on a little Real World DC on MTV and ran across this cute little Mitsubishi Outlander commercial. After watching it, it hit me that this had so much more of a deeper meaning to me that I would like to share with you.

As I watched it I noticed that there were just things placed on invisible people like sunglasses , hats, and other accessories. A skateboard, with some really cool skateboarding shoes. An invisible lady strolling her baby in a baby stroller holding balloons wearing a cute hat and necklace. At the very end we see a couple of glasses one pair of men's reading glasses and some really rock-in Hollywood shades and we see them hop in the Mitsubishi Outlander. As soon as they sit in the car their invisible bodies that were once just adorning accessories become a full image of what they look like and who they are. The commercial leaves us saying, "The redesigned 2010 Mitsubishi Outlander......Its different for a reason!"

So there you have it a little synopsis on the commercial. What did I get from that that was so much deeper?

Its not the things we buy at the store to wear on our bodies or to accessorise our perfect outfit.
Its not the new skateboard with squeaky clean brand new white skateboarder shoes.
Its not how expensive our stroller that we push down the sidewalk.

Its not ALL of these things that make us who we are.

The moment the lady and the gentleman got in the car and you could actually see their faces, reminded me that it is our genuine smile, our actions, our demeanor, and all things that make up individuality within a person. Nothing about the things we buy , collect, or obsess over on the outside.

I hear a lot of kids say, and I can remember being younger and wanting to be an "individual!" In my opinion it doesn't take a piercing or a piece of clothing to separate you from one sect or the other. It just takes you and your social outlook on life, your morals/ideals, your artistic ability, your willingness to help others who cannot help themselves, and all other things good that make you  I-N-D-I-V-I-D-U-A-L and Unique. None of these things can be bought in a store or sold on e-bay!

Thanks Mitsubishi for my good thoughts for the day!

RAKD #1 - Central Park 7-11

So here is the picture to mark my very first official Random Act of Kindness! My little Emily who is 4 years old took this photo that is why it is VERY crooked! I am holding a letter that I wrote addressed to:

To: A Very Important Person

From: Someone who appreciates what you do

The letter went a little something like this:

Hi, My name is Lisa and I want to take a minute to let you know how much I appreciate what you do. I cannot count how many times I have been driving back and forth to Seattle for my chemotherapy and radiation appointments all hours of the night and needed to stop for gas and coffee. Good Ole' seven eleven open 24 hours a day was there for me. You work crazy hours and probably never have a set schedule. Working to the wee hours of the morning I'm sure gets exhausting and I want to tell you that I appreciate your work. I hope you have a great day and know that this simple Random Act of Kindness can be passed on by you too.

Thank you Again,

Lisa

in my letter i passed on a little RAKD bookmark that says: KINDNESSS pass it on!

When I walked in today after my little photo shoot outside the gas pump with a 4 year old, im sure they already had an idea that I was nuts. I walked in with a smile and found the first employee that made eye contact wtih me and said I have a letter for you. She looked at me like i was insane and a little scared. I said, "have a great day" and walked out.

RAKD #1

Get RAKD!!!!!!!!!

For those of you out there who have not heard of this wonderful foundation called the Random Acts of Kindness, I'm going to take a brief minute and tell you a bit about it. The Random Acts of Kindness foundation was started in 1995 for people that are committed to spreading kindness. It is a non profit organization, they are not affiliated with any church group or organization, and they do not accept money or donations. Their website at http://www.actsofkindness.org/ is a huge recourse for anyone interested in learning more about how they can spread kindness wherever they go.

The first time I heard of this was when Brian Eager passed away. Brian Eager was only 18 years old at the time he died of cancer. Brian was the little brother to one of my good friends Nicole Eager. We went to school together and his father Bob Eager was one of my teachers growing up. This death hit home for so many because of how old Brian was and the fact that he was such a happy , good, well rounded kid. Brian and I were both going through chemotherapy and radiation at the same time. I remember my dad passing away Dec. 13Th and Brian's death was shortly after. I had so many funerals to attend that January it was unacceptable. All of them due to cancer.

Brian's sisters started passing around the Random Acts of Kindness ideas after his passing and encouraging others to jump on board. At the time I was so sick and not able to really concentrate on anything other than my health and taking care of my little baby. Ever since I have been itching to get this thing going MY WAY!

I want to say thank you to Nicole and Monica Eager (Brian's sisters) for introducing me to this idea that is about to change so many peoples lives.

I journal every night before I fall asleep and I have kept a record of very meaningful acts of kindness that I would like to spread around Grays Harbor in hopes of getting more people to catch on to this idea. For my first victim :) hahahah I need an assistant to be with me. My idea is that I will take a photo with or in front of every place I'm spreading kindness, kind of like a log of the places I have been and memories to share with my kids one day. I have been practicing RAKD for a long time now but just not in the way that I'm going to now. I will be posting all my RAKD moments for you to see and hopefully inspire you to do the same.

The website I posted earlier has all kinds of great ideas to get started and I encourage you to at least take a look at what some people are doing. There is a place to create your own RAKD website but I'm not sure if it is free. If it is than I'm jumping on the RAKD band wagon.

First recorded Random Acts of Kindness will require:

A pen
A photographer
A blank thank you card
and.......
Some of my beautiful penmanship :)

I hope you come back to see exactly what I came up with for the first RAK!

"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truely endless!" Mother Teresa

My poor ache-in back!

My oh my is all I have to say about this weeks newest fitness extravaganza. Ryan's mom and I (Kathy) are starting this new work out routine to both achieve different goals. My goal being that I want and desperately need to regain all that muscle I once had and put some more weight on me. Kathy's goal being that she wants to just loose some extra lbs and get in shape. Our goal :

To work out for 1 hour 5 days a week

We take turns choosing the activity or fitness exercises

One day I drive to her house, The next she drives to mine

Start working out at 10 am completed by 11 and showered for our day by 12

We are a bit new to the workout/fitness scene so yesterday as we did not have any weights to work with we raided the pantry at her house to find the heaviest soup cans we could. We ended up with good ole chili! Emily was sitting back watching us looking at us like we were crazy. We were blasting tunes from You Tube on the computer with such selections (by yours truly) You Tube Search: Aerobic Super Mega Dance Mix!

Here's the kicker. I do fairly well these days with my new medicine and inhalers to walk, enjoy life, not be so out of breath that i have to sit and take breaks but when I  get up and dance or work out which I have ALWAYS loved to do, I get very very very low on oxygen. So low that I need to wear my portable o2 while working out. This gets in the way and weighs quite a bit to carry around so I'm thinking about making like a portable backpack apparatus that looks "cool" and slightly inconspicuous! My hope is that I don't come to spin class and get made fun of like back in grade school like, "Hey look at the nerd with the rocketeer pack on her back!" :) i don't think that will happen though ...... BUT IF IT DID , They don't stand a chance against the cans of chili I pack in the front compartment! I will post pics of my superpack once its completed.

I'm trying harder than ever to gain gain gain weight but nothing seems to be working. After our workout yesterday I ate a half a pound of bacon, 3 eggs, 4 fried potatoes, and a protein shake! Now that's some serious calories. I don't care which little food group they come from I just want to put on the pounds on for goodness sake. What I'm trying to get at here is the difference in taking care of my body with all natural foods and eating well for my cancer treatments and now I'm working out and eating anything I can shove in my face just to gain a lb! I'm kinda loving it. Its very labor intensive though. The more I work out the hungrier I get so that means more time in the kitchen, just to cook for myself. I love to cook and would much rather cook for everyone. Ryan says he has gained 17 lbs since he stopped chewing at Christmas and that my new DIET :) is not helping....... this should make for an interesting next couple months!

4 Years Strong

This coming March will mark 4 years of being Castleman's Disease FREE! I know its a bit premature to be writing about four years of success without this dreaded disease but hey its only 2 months away! I wanted to celebrate this year by giving back to others that may be feeling some of the feelings I was feeling when I didn't know weather or not I was going to make it through this disease or not. Desperation, hopelessness, mentally wrecked, emotionally disconnected, and confused. I try not to put myself into ANY categories when it comes to my illness. I am not the sick girl. I am not the girl with Castleman's Disease. I am not the girl with Paraneoplastic Pemphigus. I am certainly not the girl who will die from cancer either! I think when we put ourselves into a category we are treated a certain way and tend to only connect or generalize ourselves with others dealing with the same thing. The beautiful reality that I have come to see is that a drug addict homeless woman with a child who lives with her grandmother is probably very desperate, hopeless, mentally wrecked , emotionally disconnected, and confused. The point I'm trying to make is that just because my journey is medical driven doesn't mean that, this woman who has a drug problem and has lost her child is not feeling the same exact feelings I felt at one time.

I see outside the box. I can see how people get so low that they don't have the energy or spiritual guidance to want to come back up to the top. Having someone smile at you and not judge you is a great feeling. Having someone take time out of their day to do something for you to make your day a little easier showed me a side of people I had no clue existed. I want to give back all of the wonderful moments, talks, and precious time that so many of you gave to me when I was down. I thank god every day for my medical journey because I see life through a different lens. I was so blind to so much pain and suffering that really goes on in this world that I now see. I have been severely overweight due to my steroids. I have been dependent on ridiculously high doses of pain medications for my pain. I have been divorced due to the stress of having a illness, a baby, and a husband in the military. I have seen and felt so much pain that I empathize with that drug addicted woman, that overweight middle aged woman, or the divorced single mom. It doesn't really matter HOW we got there..... we were there!

I know that no matter how much I blog about this beautiful realization that some people will have no idea how wonderful it feels to live life not judging others for who or what they are. The reason I dedicated an entire book to it :) is because of the happiness it brings me to find a little something in everyone to love. I start volunteering at the local Friendship house this month and I'm really excited about hopefully sharing some of my experiences and gaining a little something from the women there as well.The picture above is the picture my mother took of my incision after the removal of my castleman's tumor in 2006. It reminds me daily of just how lucky I am to sit here on this awesome Dell computer and type to you with such happiness in my heart. 5 years here I come!

"Judgements prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances."  --Wayne Dyer

Singing Lessons

My dreams of Emily becoming the next member of the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleading squad have officially been SQUASHED! I put her in a little cheer camp at Aberdeen High School where they taught them a couple cheers and how to get the crowd going! She HATED it! After the first day I asked her why she didn't like it and her response was, "Why do I need to be happy and jump around when I don't know why I'm happy?" I cracked up laughing. So, what she was trying to say is, "Mom, I'm out here jumping up and down and I don't understand why this is so cool!" I took her the 2nd day just to make sure that she was finished with the whole cheerleading thing and as we walked through the door she immediately said, "NO! I'm not doing this mommy!" What can ya do? :) so we went to McDonald's and got some ice cream. That was the end of my cheerleading hopes and dreams for Emily.

She has always loved to sing. In the car, in her room while she is playing, and now its become a thing of wanting to sing in front of other people. For a 4 year old little girl her voice is beautiful. She can sing in time and in tune with every song she takes the time to learn. I often walk by her room and she will be singing a song that she has made up to the tune of twinkle twinkle little star. She is thinking outside the box and already improvising! I'm loving it!

Her favorite singer is Taylor Swift. She can sing every word of You belong with me!

Somewhere over the rainbow, and a couple Hawaiian songs are her new favorites to practice on the Karaoke machine. I only joke when i say MY hopes and dreams were crushed :) I am however amazed at how interested in singing she is at this age. With that said I'm going to try to cultivate this talent and see where it goes. Singing lessons start Wednesday!

Holidays and my New Years wish!!!!

This Christmas was the best Christmas Emily and I have ever had. Being a part of Ryan's family traditions this year was really a great experience. When you share your life with someone you always hope that you will get along with their family. Not only did I have to worry about that "getting along issue," but i had to overcome the stigma attached to a divorced, 26 year old female, with little girl, and a side of cancer treatments issue! :)

I can honestly say I have never felt more comfortable and accepted by any family in my entire life. Its almost like the cliche line of, "finding your perfect match/soul mate!" I really think that he was put on earth for me as I was put on earth for him. His parents love Emily and treat her as if she were their own. His brother and sisters make an amazing group of aunt's and uncles and I just want to put it out there that Emily and I are so very blessed! In this picture is Aunt Jessica (Ryan's brothers wife) and Emily baking a week before Christmas.

Jessica just found out that she is pregnant and I couldn't be any more excited. I feel like this will take the edge off of my baby withdrawals a bit! Its very hard for me to deal with the fact that Emily might be my only child as I have ALWAYS wanted a lot of kids running around. Once we get married we are going to look a little deeper into adopting if I cannot get pregnant. All the radiation that was done to my abdomen might have made it harder or impossible for me to ever have kids again. Emily is at the age now where she is learning responsibility and I can see in her that she would be a great big sister. I want her to have someone to grow up with! This is my new years wish.......